Love. How do you describe a feeling? Feelings are not really hard to describe, when someone says feeling nauseous, you immediately understand what feeling it is and start imagining the feeling of nauseous when you drank extra glass of wine! This feeling though is different you get it time to time even sometimes without any realization.
It is a mystery
…because we never hear a story about happy couples who wash clothes together or cook or just sit and spend their life in simplicity, instead stories which get fame are of the disastrous love endings. Such as Romeo and Juliet, I mean let’s just kill each other and give up on life because we can’t be with each other is too cliche.
What about life? Does it always deserve tragedy to call it love? May be there are rather levels in understanding love.
It is not sacrifice or surrender:
When I first fell in love or thought I was nearby of it, I was much influenced by Indian movies and the culture in general in which love is a self-sacrifice and surrender of your mind and soul. And so I tried to do same which was stupid because if you don’t have your own soul who would the next person love?
They don’t want themselves to be called selfish by loving self. So it was no use of me saying, “Mein tere liye jaan bhi de dungi” number of times, nobody wants such shitty life attached to them, what they would do with it?
It is only yours, accept it:
After that disappointment, I had a long-lasting confusion did I really love or was it just infatuation? Doesn’t infatuation mean not caring about the feelings? Confusion was because I couldn’t accept next person had a choice of not loving me. I always had a hope and love became dependent. Love is a very independent process, because it is always yours. And many times the first attraction is not returned by other person. If it is not returned sometimes you blame the person, then yourself or situation but to accept that shit happens is very hard, few go to next level.
Losing baggage of the lost:
Then you fall again in love or think it is but now you are always scared and cautious every time. In fact more the number of people you get attracted without attraction returned, you get more cautious and start carrying baggage of the lost with yourself. Key to avoid this is to learn from mistakes.
It is to find own type of Chai:
Learning from mistakes doesn’t mean avoiding certain people but to know what you exactly want, conveying same to the partner, and to be okay if it fails. Not just one culture but I think more or less every culture in the world have same copy pasted idea about love. Like a stale Chai made from leaves which are used repeatedly in new milk and ingredients because shop keeper is lazy to buy new.
It does taste like Chai but doesn’t have its aroma, strong feeling when you taste it. We are just lazy to try different things, try our own taste because we are afraid no takers would come for it but you would be surprised!
We have to find love in our own way, yet another reason why one person cannot explain the feeling to another but only be felt with someone. Love being different from social norms doesn’t mean it is not love.
The Spark:
It starts with love at first sight, yes it is true we are capable of seeing through flesh and love someone at first sight, maybe it is just a glance or 5 min talk. I would think it as an approval to self to continue on track and find the person again and again. Once that spark is found everything then onward you realize is meant to be that way good or bad is with that person.
You never fall in love:
First time when you get the feeling you feel appropriately happy, not too much not less. You never fall in love instead you find love in someone and rise spiritually. When I found it, it was not any special moment, it was just a content feeling of comfort and happiness for some minutes then it passed away.
That’s the trick of human life, you have to constantly keep finding the feeling because feelings come and go but love is the only feeling can be kept constant eventually if willed. Later on you keep finding the feeling in that person in every moment, and then is when love becomes you. You don’t care your partner is far away or not in vision every moment. Even later you are not bothered if the partner cheats or don’t love you anymore because love is yours you have found it in yourself and every moment is sunshine.
This valentine, if you haven’t found it yet don’t give up because this feeling is worth it. If you have found and floating in that sea, you know what to do, not just today but every day is a new surprise. For me it seems like a beginning of spiritual path to explore self in which my love gives me freedom from binds of marriage, security and sacrifice which are as stale as they can be!
